I hate my husband i hate him but i hv to pretend dat i dnt which is so painfull :(?

m frm delhi i've got married in 2009 my husband, he is a canadian citizen. we met through a metrimonial site whr he approached me and i started talking to him through chat n ph calls but we did get a chance to meet , at dat timehis father ws in india so my parants and me met his father and few of his relatives in india.. i insist him to come to india so datwe can meet n get to knw each other, my parants fixed our engagment date, and i was expecting him to come to see me atleast 2 or 3 weeks before our engagement day but unfortunately dat didnt happen i ws so disapointed . on our engagment date i saw him for the very first time face to face i liked him though but i found him i bit introvert, well i thought after engagment now may be i could get a chance to spend more time with him..next day he went to punjab after engagement he did even bother to meet me i called him n forced to come n stay in delhi atlest for a week or so he came but bt for 2 dayz only and went back to punjab those 2 dayz were quite ok and we filed for court marriage we got our marriage cirtificate on 12 may 2009 ya n he went back to canada on 14 may 2009 frm amritsar.. then our traditional marriage got fixed on 27 nov2009 so the next time i met him on our marriage day and on dat day i was'nt happy not at all becauseone day before marriage weh tha all arrengment have been done everything was ready we hv already spent so much on everything and den his parents demand for many things like car n other stuff i loved him i loved him so much but i guess dat ws not enough for him it was a shock for me i've never expected sumthing like dis frm his side.. well anyhow marrige has happend we hv done everything fulfilled their demands. he spent 10 dayz wid me we went back to canada den i arrenged all da paper redarding my visa it took me few months to collect all da papers i've sent them to him so dat he can apply for my visa but he didnt his father also went to canada in july 2010 and now its been 2 yrs and i still hvnt got da visa coz he never applied for it.. last yr in nov i've decided to divorce him infact i've filed for it den he come to delhi in dec just to sort out dis divorce matter but my family insist me to give him a last chance so i told him to go back to canada n filed for my ise only den i'll think abt our future.. but i dnt love him anymore m not happy n i dnt wanna b wid him i dnt knw wat to do its so difficult for me to forget those dayz dat i hv spent alone waiting for him dere wr time wen he didnt even bother to call me today m so alone nobody understand my problem not even my family sum of relative are blaming me for all dis and m dyin it killes me wen i hear those things i tried so hard to avoid all da crap but day by day its getting worse now i hate him every single sec dis feeling is getting stonger and stonger i just hate him i cnt tell u hw much, dis is so painfull wen u dont love sumone n u hv to pretend dat u do fr sake of ur family.. m comletely lost nw plz guide me..